Hitting me in waves

A few months ago I came home from work on one of those normally mundane Tuesdays where nothing happens. I expected the highlight of my night to be dinner with Mrs. Herb. When I got home she was laying on the couch with Angus watching television. I had no reason to believe my life was about to change forever.

Typically, I try to avoid burdening Mrs. Herb with stories about my job working as a salesman for a recruiting company. You see, I hate my job. It sucks the life out of me (I'm going to be talking a lot more about my job in future blogs I think). But this day I started in. It probably seemed really important at the time that a sales rep came back drunk from lunch and inadvertently flashed her crotch to the office. It probably seemed like that would be our conversation piece for the evening.

Until Mrs. Herb told me she was pregnant.

I was pretty surprised. We had pulled the goalie a few months earlier, but we heard that it takes a while once you're off the pill to get nice and fertile again. We obviously didn't consider the fact that I am one of eight, my mom is one of eight, and her mom was one of eight. I come from strong breeding stock. So yeah, I was pretty stunned,...but excited. Really excited. I felt a lot of things. I felt proud, manly, blessed, and happy. I felt a sense of amazement and wonder of what we had accomplished that I had never felt before.

Mrs. Herb was more pragmatic. Actually I think she was making pudding in her underpants that first night. she was truly petrified, which is understandable. I mean hey, it wasn't my body that was going to turn into Louie Anderson over the next 10 months (my body did that freshman year of college). Panic really set in for her. The next few months became a frenzied rush to dot every undotted "i" and uncrossed "t" in all aspects of our lives. Bills had to be paid. Renovations had to be completed. Changes were to be made dammit, and I was going to help do them or be crushed in her path.

Louie eating cake!

Fortunately, I have come to realize that this hits you in waves. As you'll see, when you are expecting your first child, you really do go through a whirlwind of emotions.

As time passed Mrs. Herb has calmed down a lot. Her personality has changed in ways I never saw coming. This weekend I actually saw her fall asleep with her cousins baby sleeping on her chest. This absolutely would not have happened 6 months ago. She looked at babies the same way I look at getting a prostate exam. I know it's going to happen eventually, but it's not something I want to practice. What's even better is that her body is actually looking more like Lonnie Anderson than Louie Anderson. I'm ready to start nursing!

feeding time!

Me on the other hand, I've actually started to get more nervous. At first the sheer joy of knowing I was going to be a Dad was all I could think about. Now I'm starting to worry a little bit. I watch everything she puts in her body and I'm petrified it's going to turn our kid into Joseph Merrick. I'm concerned about her sleep, her vitamins, and got forbid she pick up anything heavier than a number two pencil. What's worse, I'm starting to have nightmares about things going wrong. I need to chill out quickly.

What I am guessing though, is the next wave will hit me and carry me to wherever I need to be. Either that or it will suck me out with tide. Fortunately Mrs. Herb has some flotation devices for me to grab on to.